Wish me luck.

I did something bold. Not something I am usually renowned for, not since my great "Shirley Valentine" flit back in '99 anyway :)

I applied for a new job with a HUGE pay cut.

It was just one of those things. I don't actively "hate" my current job, but I have to get up to early and travel to far to get there. No one really cares about our department and that makes it hard to care about going. I am off more then I am there really. Bad girl.

It was more a gentle slide into absenteeism then an active decision - it just sort of happened, then it happened again. erm, and again....you know how that goes.

So, I decided to stop being unhappy and get a new job. I applied at The Salvation Army. For several reasons:

1) It's two streets from my house.
2) It's the same building as Dylan's nursery.
3) It's the church we go to - Dylan insists we go, and having been brought up Christian, I don't object, in fact I feel like I have gained extra God-points when I go.

I don't expect it works like that but I think God knows what I mean. It's like that happy feeling when you've been to see your kid in his first Nativity play, even though he didn't say his line ("We must see the baby") and even though he did suck the microphone when it was held in front of him causing everyone in the audience to giggle.

I made that darn shepherd costume with my own two hands, a stripey curtain and a real live needle and thread - not like some other mommies who *clearly* bought the Walmart "Instant Shepherd" pack with fake lamb - but hey that's cool too, at least you took your kid along and let him join in. I just get to feel more righteous then you

So anyway....I applied to be a secretary for The Salvation Army and I am happy. At least I feel like I did something worthwhile tonight that might change my life. Of course this will mean I have to work a night job stacking shelves, but that's got to be worth a few God-points too.

Bad Mommy Syndrome.

Aww we've all done it. You tell your kid off then break your heart looking at his/her little face like "what did I do that was so bad?" - what he did do was pretty bad, but it wasn't worth getting that look, so I took him out on his "big boy" bike for the first time on the sidewalks.

Oh that boy was so proud of himself, he came home saying "I was a good boy, my daddy will be proud of me!" and I could have squished him to bits, he was just so thrilled! Fortunately, Dan was standing in the kitchen and got to see him ride in through the back gate so he saw him riding his bike. I love my boys.

It's been an odd weekend. We didn't do much. Dan wasn't feeling great so he stayed in his office (where he is happiest) and Bu and I played in the garden. I let him run riot while I read "The Secret Life Of Bees" - mainly because the title was so like my blog. I found it in a charity shop last week. It was good actually. Usually books that you buy on a whim are rubbish, some of my worse books were bought because they had a cool title or I liked the cover picture. I should learn to buy stuff that won Pulitzer prizes, at least you know they are going to be worth your time.

Anyway, today we went to the car boot sale with my dad, a usual little Sunday ritual. We bought a bag of door knobs. OMG I must be getting old. I bought a bag of door knobs and I am pleased with them. Disproportionately pleased actually. I love them! they are the old china type, with flowers on them. My dad, who sold us this house, clearly hated them, mainly because he knows how much he paid for all the existing door knobs - all the more reason to get those bad boys fitted :) I hate being 36 years old and having my dad look down on me like I am 9 and bought something silly with my pocket money. So, tomorrow night I will be fitting china door knobs. I might even take a picture and post it. Wanna see my door knobs? no of course you don't and that's entirely because I am older then you and obviously a lot sadder.

Anyway, we spent the evening cleaning our the fish, three of our four tanks, including the 6ft one. The fish in there are neat and funny, I never really thought fish were that impressive, but our fish are armoured and they eat cucumber out of your hand. I might post a picture of that. That's cool.