Volcanos and other late night events.

I was thinking. Volcanos are not really very nice. I would normally say they were cool, but I had a bad experience with my child becoming one last night.

Bu had gone to sleep on the sofa at about 7pm, so I scooped him up and carried him up to bed, and right as we got there, I had even bent over by his bed to put him down and he suddenly threw up on my shoulder. Ick. I was torn between trying to sound sympathetic "oh bless you baby, are you alright??" and wanting to get it off me as soon as possible "DAAAAAN!!!" - I opted for the latter, but not before Bu threw up right in the middle of his bed. bah!

1am - "whaaaaaa Mommy I threw up in my bed!" oh gawd did ya? hang on I'm coming...

3am - "whaaaaaa Mommy, mooooooooommy!"

So then I had a ton of really yuck laundry to do. So like any hassled working mom, I came and sat at my computer at 3am instead of going back to bed, and smoked an illicit cigarette - for which I know I may be on the downside of the road to hell. Who cares? it's 3am and I have puke on me.

I figured out a few things before I went back to bed, because the world looks different from a 3am point of view:

1) When we move to Texas, I'm going to miss Old Blighty. I don't know why because most of the time I'd rather be anywhere else but here.

2) A lot of what I believe, exists only in my head. If I hold it up to the light of day, or rather, to the moonlight, it's very fragile and shakeable. I try not to look to hard at it sometimes in case it breaks and goes away, then what would I believe in?

3) You should review your life every day and make sure you know the truth. An example here is that my sister once told me when she came back from a school holiday in France, that in the evening the local boys would come on their scooters, to the hotel, and call up "Do you want to come down to the beach?" - and I always believed her, and by default, in my head she was always the most loved because no boys ever asked me to the beach.
But hang on....what would boys old enough to have motorbikes want with ten year old girls? and how come they suddenly all spoke English? For years and years I felt inferior to her in this respect, but then I realised it was just a lie. Damn.

4) Coming on from the last point - be honest with yourself and others. You don't know what effect your lie will have on someone else, or yourself.

5) Definately try to laugh at yourself and try to say sorry as soon as you fuck up. Don't hide and skulk because you feel embarrased or ashamed, just fess up and get it over with. Saying sorry is like standing in the rain. When it's over, everything is clean and clear again.

So I went back to bed at 3:30am, having washed my child and his laundry, and thought my funky thoughts, and shoved Dan back on his side of the bed - and sent Sasha back to her bed instead of being stretched out beside Dan with her head on my pillow.

And I lay there a long time wondering what I was going to do in Texas and how long it would be before my kid threw up again.

I still don't know, and he didn't.

Good night.